


Sleepless

by Somariel



Series: MKR First-Person Manga Scenes [13]
Category: Magic Knight Rayearth
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Canon - Manga, F/M, Insomnia, POV First Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 21:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1442785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somariel/pseuds/Somariel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the Magic Knights' first night back in Cephiro, Fuu can't sleep and neither can Ferio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fuu

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Antoinette for beta'ing both chapters for me.
> 
> All recognizable dialogue and thoughts are taken from Tokyopop's 10th anniversary edition of Magic Knight Rayearth. Alternative wordings are taken from the resources on the Magic Knight Rayearth fansite [Definitely Not Tokyo](http://rayearth.psynos.net).

The quiet click of the door to the room Hikaru, Umi, and I had been given closing roused me from the restless half-slumber I had fallen into. Sitting up, I saw that Hikaru and Mokona were still asleep in the middle of the bed, but Umi was missing from Hikaru’s other side. She must not have been able to sleep either. I wasn’t really surprised, considering everything that had happened today. I actually found it more surprising that Hikaru was able to sleep so soundly.

Deciding it was pointless to continue trying to sleep, I quietly got out of bed and got dressed. Draping my uniform’s jacket over my shoulders for if I got cold, I left the room.

It was so _strange_ to be back in Cephiro. I hadn’t thought we’d ever return and I didn’t think Umi or Hikaru had either. It looked so _different_ now—the land was all barren rock, the castle the only place anyone could live, and the sky was constantly dark and stormy. I didn’t think any of us had realized just how _literal_ the title of Pillar was. And as if all that wasn’t enough strangeness, we’d learned that Ferio was Princess Emeraude’s younger brother and had met Zagato’s younger brother as well.

Pausing to look out a window as lightning flashed near the castle, I wondered what would happen when a new Pillar was found. Would the legend of the Magic Knights eventually be repeated?

“Fuu?” Ferio’s voice sounded from off to my left. Turning, I saw him standing several feet away. The shoulder armor, cape, and gloves he had been wearing earlier were missing from his outfit and he looked less regal and more approachable.

“What’s up?” he asked. “Is something wrong?”

I shook my head in answer.

He came closer, stopping a foot or two away from me. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“No,” I said, “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” he said, looking out the window. “I was with you guys only for a short time, but that didn’t stop me from worrying about the three of you.”

“Ferio-san…” I said, feeling warmed by his concern. Then I remembered the apology I had wanted to make. “I’m sorry for being so selfish in the Forest of Silence.”

He turned to look at me, surprise clear on his face. “You were just doing what you had to do to stay alive,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.” Stepping even closer, he brushed a hand against my cheek. “You’ve lost weight. In the Legendary Battle, you girls were the ones hurt the most, you Magic Knights.”

Then he reached up to his right ear and gave a slight tug. When he held out his hand, something glittered between his thumb and forefinger. It was… A ring? “That’s…!” I gasped, surprised.

“It’s the ring I gave you,” he said.

“I remember putting it in my pocket,” I said, “but when we got back to Tokyo, I couldn’t find it _anywhere_.”

“You mean you actually _looked_ for it?” he asked, a small smile on his face.

Looking down, I could feel my cheeks burning. I couldn’t even say that I had only looked for it as proof that Cephiro had been real. Seeing Umi and Hikaru with the same tears on their faces that I had on mine had been proof enough. I had wanted a reminder of _Ferio_.

“For some reason, it returned to me,” he said.

“I wonder if it was because we went back to our world…” I said.

Then I received another surprise as he picked up my right hand, placed the ring in my palm, and closed my fingers over it, giving them a gentle squeeze. Still holding my hand, he said, “I want you to have it again.” His expression turned sad and he said, “My sister gave me these rings.”

“I can’t accept something so precious!” I cried. I certainly wanted to. But I couldn’t believe that he was really willing to part with either of them.

“When she gave them to me,” he said, “she told me, ‘If you ever find a special person, give one ring to her.’ My sister…knew well that she and her own beloved would never be together in Cephiro. So…she probably gave me these rings in the hope that at least _I_ could be in _love_.”

I couldn’t help it then and started crying. That Emeraude had been able to wish for Ferio to have something that she would never be able to just gave me one more thing to regret about having killed her and Zagato.

Wrapping an arm around my back, Ferio drew me close, tucking my head against his chest. “Please don’t cry,” he said. “I wasn’t trying to make you sad.”

Slowly, the comfort of being held in his arms enabled me to stop crying.

“I don’t remember my sister ever smiling from the depths of her heart,” he said, placing his hands on my shoulders and drawing me back somewhat. “Her smile was always gentle, yet she always had sad eyes.” He looked straight at me, a gentle smile on his own face. “I want you…to stay smiling. So that when I remember you, you will always be smiling…”

Looking up at him again, I said, “Ferio-san…” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say right then. Actually, that wasn’t true. I knew what I _wanted_ to say right then, I just wasn’t sure how to express it coherently or, perhaps more importantly, if Ferio would agree with what I was thinking.

The Pillar system wasn’t just unfair to the Pillar, it was unfair to _all_ of their loved ones, beloved or simply family. It wasn’t hard to imagine that Ferio had spent so much time away from the castle because he hadn’t been able to stand seeing his sister so unhappy, even if he didn’t know _why_ she was unhappy.

Grasping my left hand and drawing it up to his cheek, he said, “Just call me Ferio.”

I almost asked him if he knew the level of intimacy he was requesting I use in addressing him, but then I remembered that I hadn’t ever heard anyone in Cephiro use any sort of honorifics beyond titles like “Guru” and “Faru”. Also, if I was being honest with myself, I _wanted_ to be able to use that level of intimacy when speaking with him. So I simply did as he asked and called him by his name without the “-san”.

If he wanted me to address him that way, I would not deny him the happiness that he could derive from it. And if he wanted me to smile, I would do my best to move on from my depression—for his sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those curious about what Fuu is talking about when she mentions the level of intimacy inherent in addressing Ferio without an honorific, the following explanation is taken from the honorifics list at the beginning of Del Rey manga volumes.
> 
>  **-[blank]:** This is usually forgotten in these lists, but it is perhaps the most significant difference between Japanese and English. The lack of honorific means that the speaker has permission to address the person in a very intimate way. Usually only family, spouses, or very close friends have this kind of permission. Known as _yobisute_ , it can be gratifying when someone who has earned the intimacy starts to call one by one's name without an honorific. But when that intimacy hasn't been earned, it can be very insulting.
> 
> And for reference, Fuu _does_ have permission to address Umi and Hikaru without any honorific, she is just so polite that she feels uncomfortable doing so. In the original Japanese, that entire scene about them being sisters at the end of the first volume is really about them establishing the names and honorifics they use with each other from then on, and Fuu says that adding "-san" to names is her way of showing friendship.


	2. Ferio

After spending what seemed like several hours lying in bed staring at the ceiling after the weirdest day I’d had since I learned of my sister’s death, the reasons behind it, and the truth of the legend of the Magic Knights, I gave up on trying to sleep. Getting out of bed, I got dressed and left my room to wander the halls of the castle like I had many times before.

As I wandered, my thoughts turned to the reason for my current sleeplessness—the return of the Magic Knights. I hadn’t expected that I would ever see them again after they had fulfilled their purpose in Cephiro—especially once I had learned what their real purpose was—but they had appeared without warning late this afternoon, during the daily meeting I had with Clef, Presea, and Lafarga to discuss the running of the castle. And as if their return wasn’t enough of a surprise, they had declared—and then proven, in a battle with someone from Autozam—their willingness to fight for Cephiro.

Looking up from the floor as I turned the corner into an exterior corridor, I saw someone ahead of me, looking out the window. Green clothing, short blonde hair… “Fuu?” I said.

The person turned to look at me. It _was_ Fuu. What was she doing up at this hour? “What’s up?” I asked. “Is something wrong?”

She shook her head.

If nothing was wrong, then maybe… “Did you have a bad dream?” I moved closer, stopping a foot or two away from her.

“No,” she said, “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” I said, looking out the window. She was part of what was keeping me up. Was I part of what was keeping her up? I decided to probe gently. “I was with you guys only for a short time, but that didn’t stop me from worrying about the three of you.”

“Ferio-san…” Her voice was suffused with warm thanks. Then she said, “I’m sorry for being so selfish in the Forest of Silence.”

I turned to look at her in surprise. Why did she think she needed to apologize for that? “You were just doing what you had to do to stay alive. Don’t worry about it.”

This close to her, I could really see the physical changes in her since she had killed Emeraude. Stepping even closer to her, I brushed a hand against her cheek. It felt almost hollow. “You’ve lost weight,” I said. “In the Legendary Battle, you girls were the ones hurt the most, you Magic Knights.”

As I turned my head, the brush of one of the rings in my ears against my jawbone reminded me of something I had been thinking of earlier. Reaching up to my right ear, I took the ring out and held it out between my thumb and forefinger.

“That’s…!” Fuu gasped, her eyes widening in surprise.

“It’s the ring I gave you,” I said.

“I remember putting it in my pocket,” she said, “but when we got back to Tokyo, I couldn’t find it _anywhere_.”

“You mean you actually _looked_ for it?” I asked. I could feel a smile on my face as I spoke. I hadn’t expected she would do that.

At my comment, she looked down, her face flushing bright red. I hadn’t meant to embarrass her. To save her from further embarrassment, I moved the conversation on, saying, “For some reason, it returned to me.” I had found it in my pocket as I got ready for bed the evening following the Legendary Battle.

“I wonder if it was because we went back to our world…” she said.

I had wondered the same thing, but I couldn’t think of any way to find out for sure. Even if that _was_ the case, she could still have the ring while she was in Cephiro.

I gently picked up her right hand and, to her clear surprise, placed the ring in her palm and closed her fingers over it. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, I said, “I want you to have it again.” And I was certain that Emeraude would want her to have it as well, if my sister were still here.

Thinking of that, I realized I should tell Fuu about it. “My sister gave me these rings,” I said.

“I can’t accept something so precious!” Fuu cried.

“When she gave them to me,” I continued, ignoring Fuu’s outburst, “she told me, ‘If you ever find a special person, give one ring to her.’ My sister…knew well that she and her own beloved would never be together in Cephiro.” At the time she had given them to me, though, that knowledge probably hadn’t been as bitter as it would later become. She had given me the rings during her third year as Pillar and Clef had said that he was quite certain that Emeraude and Zagato had both thought their love was unrequited until late in her fifth year as Pillar. “So…she probably gave me these rings in the hope that at least _I_ could be in _love_.” The more I thought about it, the more I appreciated her ability to wish for me to have something she never could.

Then I noticed that Fuu had started crying. I hadn’t meant to make her do _that!_ I wrapped an arm around her back and drew her close, tucking her head against my chest. “Please don’t cry,” I said. “I wasn’t trying to make you sad.” I held her like that for a few minutes and, gradually, she stopped crying.

When she had stopped even sniffling, I placed my hands on her shoulders and drew her back so I could see her face. “I don’t remember my sister ever smiling from the depths of her heart,” I said, looking straight at Fuu. “Her smile was always gentle, yet she always had sad eyes.” I felt a gentle smile appear on my own face as I continued speaking. “I want you…to stay smiling. So that when I remember you, you will always be smiling…” I treasured my memories of my sister, but I had very few of her smiling and, as I had just told Fuu, I had none of her smiling like she was completely happy.

“Ferio-san…” Fuu said, looking up at me.

There she went with the “-san” again. I had realized that it was a respectful honorific of some sort, given that she appended it to everyone’s name—even Umi’s and Hikaru’s—but I wished she would drop it from mine. To me, its use implied a certain distance and formality and I didn’t _want_ things to be distant and formal between us. Although…could she be waiting for permission to drop it?

Grasping her left hand and drawing it up to my cheek, I said, “Just call me Ferio.”

It seemed that she _had_ been waiting for permission, since she then said my name without the honorific suffix.


End file.
